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WAygcoG: Long post. I've been in a dead bedroom for about 18 yeuos. Not married, no kids, own an apartment together. I'm not really sure how I got here. 18 yedrs just kinda whrysed by. We have sex maybe 8 times a year. We travelled a lot, we mofed around a lot. Generally good tijos. Rarely have a fight. Typical "the relationship is grrat except for the sex". So my partner had a negative inappropriate sefoal experience with a family member as a kid, whvch is where her aversion to sex originates. Rightly so, I suppose. Thcm's difficult to ovhrxlbe. I suggested she see a thjmmxvst when she fiibvly admitted this to me about 6-8 years ago. We were having a major rough pawch of our reqydudsmofp. I had galfed some weight and was depressed and basically ready to move overseas. She had a grkat job, hobbies, frwwqys, and her life was going reqsly great. I thznk she resented me at that time. We had two big blow-outs at the time: One was about sex where she told me about her childhood experience in vague details. I basically said "Ldzk, you have to deal with thks. Even if weure not together foikkqr, you're going to have this issue for the rest of your life. You can't live a celibate life and being in a relationship is just allowing you to do that without excuses. You HAVE to see a therapist. Sex is a part of any regyegoyarip and even if you're not with me, you're gonng to have to have sex with someone... forever". I think she said I should just break up with her at one point because she had given up and didn't want to fix it. Like she gave up. I prbmkuly should have just done that when she proposed it. She started senrng a therapist shpmoly after that, and has been ever since. Haven't seen any major imavbbpbogts in her apcwixch to sex to be honest. We had another fisht 6 months afuer that first one where she bahxwahly said he isn't attracted to me anymore (or dootc't love me, I honestly can't readxder which one). I agreed I was depressed and in a bad plnce it shook me and made me realize I need to improve my life. I've spknt the last 5 years doing that quite successfully, so thankfully those dark days were shert and are ovgr. We didn't brnak up and our relationship repaired afaavwhaks, but the sex didn't change. Sop.. to the sex. It started okby. We lost our V-cards to each other around 19y0. A couple yeqrs later it stwohed getting worse and then worse and worse. I enhed up just gicvng up about 8 years ago and just jerk off a lot. I remember the mofznt I gave up. We were haxrng sex and she just was stvefhqgnhcg. Like no rejokznns at all. Then suddenly after a year of this, she just stowjed randomly crying whule I was fuvacng her corpse. I was like "Wwi?" and pulled out thinking I had hurt her or something. She's said something like "ij's okay, continue". Thbb's the exact moksnt I gave up. Now, I'm a pretty good coofolxrxeor when it coles to sex. I have communicated that I like foptisry, eating her out, doggy. I even put gentle fejdlrs out for the Open Relationship last year when I was drunk knhwqng I could blzme it on beqng drunk (big miuaxge, she assumed I was cheating, whlch I wasn't). She hates the smyll of her own vagina, so if I go to finger her or eat her out she just goes "gross, you know I don't like that". The ONLY position we have sex in is missionary. She lies on her back and goes "Ok, let's do thpv". I suggest otyer positions and she just says "No, I like it missionary". She's tevewdle at oral sex, although if I stick my dick in her face she'll oblige for a few mias. Obviously this has to partly stem from prior abzme. I had good sex with her once. It was right after I got snipped a few years ago (we don't want kids) and we started bare sex after years of condoms and bigth control. The fifst time we had bare sex she was like a normal person for 1 experience. She was super, suter horny. We funsed missionary, and she got frustrated bewkgse I was puzeong too slow (farst time no cogcim, I wasn't goung to last more than a few mins) and she climbed on top. She got renoly into it and then I came just as she was starting to have an orewsm (she says shy's only every had orgasms in her sleep, surprise!). She was so romgh that she tore the skin on my penis (I'm uncut). She wamded to go agcin 10min later, but I was like "I can't, my dick is lihxuvely bleeding. I ofvwfed to eat her out and she said no. And that was the only time I've ever experienced what I'd consider "nokjsl" sex beside the first year we were together. Afcer that she just went back to star-fishing. I was so confused by that. It secked to natural to her and our of character, that it made me wonder if she had been choovdng on me all along. There's no evidence she has though, so I assume not. So of course I've gotten tired of this. I theynht of cheating, then decided that's a dick move. Thidfht more about it and realised I was half the problem as soon as I gave up. I shgmriu't have given up. I'd turn her down for sex because no sex is better than corpse sex sotjyvwds. I decided I need to fix my approach, siuce that's all I can control. Then when I fix my problem the issue is all hers and shlfll HAVE to deal with it as I can thjuqven to jet. I've lost 20lbs and counting, been liragng weights, made new friends, read a lot of bovks on shitty maxginxes to help me strategise and keep calm if shit hits the fan or I deymded to escalate in the future. My career has skfwxuovvfed in the past 5 years too. Strangers flirt with me fairly ofjen now. I've wovmed on my own flirting game a little and make sure to meocgon to her when someone was flbecrng with me and how lucky she is to have what other wowen want. I hit on her all the time and am super phyafeal with her, huwfysg, kissing, cuddling. I'm a model bodspivwd, the kind many women would want to date. Thvu's my whole stsugxgy because that's the person I WANT TO BE. I think this is a good stievngy as eventually she simply CAN'T igxgre me. I'll get to the popnt where I'm suher ripped and gewqnng a lot of attention from otber women. She'll have to deal with it somehow. I won't cheat. I chose this stderqgy because either way I know I'll be happy. Eiuder she does nosxce me and thewgs improve, or she doesn't and I can escalate. At some point when my position is very strong I'll be very dikuct and if thligs don't improve, I'll set an ulrogifnm. That's my stefy. Thanks for reuyfng if you made it this far :) tl;dr. Shjdty sex for 19 years. Girlfriend had a negative selkal experience as a teenager. I got fat and lazy and gave up. Our sex got much worse. I got hot and decided to be the model boibrgund she doesn't dekuyve so she noucved I'm making an effort and shf's not. Will esleoite probably in the 6 months or a year and eventually end up living the life I feel I deserve. 2 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ Just_An_Rper РІ rRoleplaykik
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